Vic Andrews here. I’m the hero in a romantic suspense book called Man Law. Personally, I think Adrienne was smoking crack when she decided to make me the hero of a romance novel. I mean, God help you women because what I know about dealing with the female persuasion would fit into a .22 caliber bullet casing.
Adrienne: What are you doing? This is my interview. You need to wait until I ask a question.
Adrienne: You can’t just take over the interview.
Vic: Who says?
Adrienne (sighing): Never mind. Tell everyone about your Man Laws. And no swearing. This is live.
Vic: No swearing? That’s a bleeping challenge.
Adrienne: No swearing. I just bleeped you.
Vic (laughing): I can’t promise anything. You know better.
Adrienne: Believe me. I know. Now, the Man Laws? Please?
Vic: I don’t know why women make such a big deal about Man Laws. Don’t we all have some personal code we live by? The Man Laws are my personal code. They’re basically the only rules I follow.
Adrienne: Hang on, fella. As I recall, in the book you break a lot of your Man Laws.
Vic: That wasn’t my fault.
Adrienne: Really? The one about never messing with your best friend’s sister? That wasn’t your fault?
Vic: First of all, Gina helped with that. There’s gotta be a sister to help break that law. And what a sister she is. Who could blame me? Second, I didn’t break that sucker, I bleeping obliterated it. Hey now, you censored me again?
Adrienne: I did. I told you no swearing. Anyway, I’ll give you that Gina helped break that law.
Vic: Damn straight. She takes fifty percent of the blame. Gina likes me. Must be something with the name because your editor likes me too.
Adrienne: Gina Bernal? How do you know she likes you?
Vic: I read your revision letter.
Adrienne: You read my emails?
Adrienne : You can’t do that. It’s personal. Boundaries!
Vic: Please. What do I care about boundaries? Besides, I was looking for something and found the letter. Your editor says she can’t get enough of me. I’m telling ya, it’s the name Gina. All women named Gina, come find me, I must have something you ladies need.
Adrienne: O-kay then, I’m going to move beyond the fact that you invaded my privacy, but what the heck were you looking for in my emails? By the way, Gina Bernal didn’t say she couldn’t get enough of you, she said she couldn’t get enough of your voice. Right now, I’ve had about enough of your voice.
Vic: Blah, blah. Kill me now. I was trying to find out why you shortened that scene with my aunt. I liked that scene.
Adrienne: That was my editor’s suggestion. I guess she had enough of you that time.
Vic: So harsh, darlin’. Oh, hey, here’s my girl now. We started without you.
Gina (heroine): I see I got here just in time because he’s starting with the darlin’ nonsense. Adrienne, I cannot believe you are letting him do this. You know he’s going to say something that will infuriate someone.
Adrienne: Hi, Gina. You’re too late, he already infuriated me by reading my emails.
Gina (snorting): He’s lovable, but he’s an idiot.
Vic: I also found your other revision letters. I notice your editor didn’t say anything about not getting enough of the other mopes in this series. I can’t wait to tell them that. Especially Monk, the self-proclaimed alpha dog. Those boys got nothing on me.
Adrienne (gasping): You obtained those emails by invading my privacy.
Vic: What’s your point? It’s not like I hacked into your computer, although, you know I can make that happen if I have to.
Adrienne: No hacking. Just stop reading my mail.
Vic: But information is king. Plus, I didn’t get caught, which is another Man Law. Never get caught.
Adrienne: You broke that one in the book, too.
Vic (grunting): Again, it wasn’t my fault. I did everything I was supposed to and someone sold my bleep out.
Gina: You just swore. She bleeped you.
Vic: Eh, whatever. I hate that bleeping censorship.
Adrienne: You need to control that potty mouth of yours.
Gina: Good luck with that.
Adrienne: Gina, what’s your favorite Man Law.
Gina : I don’t have a favorite. I think they’re all dumb. Especially the one about a man not using another man’s grill.
Vic: It’s true. If it’s my grill, I’m in charge. Just like the radio when I’m driving.
Gina (laughing): He’s such an idiot.
Adrienne: Does he ever let you drive?
Gina: You’re kidding, right?
Adrienne: Sorry. Silly question.
Vic: Damn straight.
Adrienne: Gina, what do you want people to know about Vic?
Gina: Oh, I could have fun with this one.
Vic: Easy now.
Gina: Aside from the goofy Man Laws, I think he’s funny. And, have you seen the picture of him on the book cover? Whew! On the serious side, he’s extremely loyal and will do whatever necessary to protect his loved ones. Mess with someone he cares about and he will take you down.
Adrienne: Vic, do you agree with Gina’s assessment?
Vic: All but the part about Man Laws being goofy.
Adrienne: Vic, what do you want people to know about Gina?
Vic: Well, she hates when I call her darlin’. Something about me forgetting her name. As if I’d do that. At least not if I didn’t want my nuts handed to me. Really, she’s unforgettable in every way. She’s got a great bleep. Stop censoring me!
Adrienne: Too bad. I warned you.
Vic: Anyway, the really important thing though is she’s an amazing mother. She’s tough, but understanding and she is always willing to give people another try.
Adrienne: Gina, would you agree?
Gina: I guess. I absolutely think it’s important for the people I love to know that I might be upset with them, but I’ll always love them and try to see their side.
Adrienne: You guys are the best. Thank you for letting me interview you.
Gina: Sure. And Vic only got bleeped a few times. Excellent progress for him.
Vic: No bleeping kidding. And readers, remember what I said, any Gina’s out there, come find me. I’ll put a smile on your face. If you’re name isn’t Gina, well, I could probably still put a smile on your face.
Gina (laughing): You are such an idiot!